I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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