I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
