Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
