i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
