I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize