when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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