Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
