then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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