This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
