At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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