Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
