i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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