Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
