I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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