You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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