im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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