The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
