She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
