I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
