can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
