no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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