can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
