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I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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