I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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