Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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