he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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