Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
