remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
