Do you still have your period?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
