y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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