I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize