If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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