I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
