I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
