you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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