I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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