I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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