Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
