another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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