Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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