OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
