This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
