I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
