Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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