Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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