You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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