Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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