Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
