I hate all girls vehemently.
I looked at my own cervix.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
