I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
