lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
