I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
