then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am midnight drunk by noon
you will always have a special place in my vag
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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