you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
