..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
