If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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