and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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