I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
