Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
