I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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