took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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