How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
