i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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