apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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