He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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