I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
