apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize