i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
