I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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