it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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