If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
