You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
