Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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